Negative adoption language is one of my pet peeves.

Just before this year’s annual March for Life, marking the anniversary of the U.S. Supreme Court Roe v. Wade decision legalizing abortion, Cardinal Sean O’Malley of Boston gave an interview to the Boston Herald. When asked about adoption as an alternative, he said, “There are plenty of babies, but the women feel that giving their child up is abandoning their child and somehow that’s worse than having an abortion.”

His response made me cringe. “Giving their child up” and “abandoning their child” are among my biggest pet peeves when it comes to negative adoption language.

I don’t mean to pick on O’Malley, and in fairness I should note that he also used the positive phrase “entrusting their children to another family.”

But if the church truly wants to be pro-life and encourage adoption as a choice for women who, for whatever reason, cannot parent their biological children, we need to pay attention to our language about adoption.

Language matters. Despite the backlash from some who decry the “PC police,” it matters whether African-Americans are called the “N-word” or whether people with developmental disabilities are called the “R-word.”

And because language is so powerful in shaping perceptions and self-identity, negative language especially matters when it refers to children or when we use it around children. As an adoptive mother of two and a birth mother who placed a child for adoption when I was a teenager, I have a vested interest in how our culture talks about adoption.

See how I did that? I said I “placed my child for adoption” rather than “gave the child up.” The phrase “made an adoption plan” is also considered positive adoption language. Unlike the words “give up,” which imply a lack of value or consideration for the adopted person, these phrases retain his or her dignity.

I believe most people — including journalists — inadvertently use negative adoption language out of ignorance. There are many good memes, blog posts and other resources on the Internet that address this issue. To add my voice to this educational effort, here are my top seven tips for pro-life, positive adoption language and conversation:

Read the rest of my article in the National Catholic Reporter here.